The switch

See this?

 

 

 

It hurts. Bad.

 

It hurts worse than it looks.

 

 

 

Lately, I have been asked how I made the change. How did I start my revolution?

 

How did I flip the switch?

 

How do you transform from a self-loathing being into a strong ambitious woman?

 

It's not easy.

 

The truth is that I have always been a strong ambitious woman.

 

I had to find her.

 

She was lost to a world that had allowed lower standards.

 

I didn't believe I was worth more.

 

I had to accept that I am worth more and capable of more.

 

It is not a switch to be flipped.

 

It is a minute by minute transformation.

 

It is a process. I have to change how I act and react. I have to change my thinking.

 

I wish that sentence could be in the past tense- "I had to change...."

 

But, the transformation is still in its infancy.

 

I have to see who I could be at my very best. Who God intended for me to be.

 

I have to see the me that I want to be.

 

I have to visualize her and define her before I could ever hope to be her. 

 

I have to accept that I am worthy of being her.

 

I'm still learning.

 

Every situation is approached with the same question: What would the very best me do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I slipped on a patch of ice on my way to kettle bell class.

 

All 220 pounds landed on my left knee.

 

I felt like someone had driven a stake through my knee cap.

 

If I had to really communicate how it felt I would say it felt like this:

 

 

 

It was the most painful thing that my memory bank could recall.

 

Almost instantly, the PA system in my head made the announcement that I would no longer attend the kettle bell class.

 

Just as quickly as I heard it, I decided that I had to dismiss it.

 

I could stand. I could breath. I could go to class.

 

I remember thinking that six months ago, I would have dialed the professional and canceled before I had gotten off the ground.

 

I told people I would be there. I had made a commitment. I needed the class.

 

For me at my very best, missing class is unacceptable.

 

The very best me went to class.

 

I take the same approach when faced with food choices.

 

I take the same approach when interacting with others.

 

I take the same approach when reacting to situations.

 

I'm circumspect.

 

I do what the very best me would do.

 

It's not the flip of a switch. It is a process.

 

A long  process.

 

I have no doubt that eventually I will not have to think and re-think every move.

 

Until then the process continues: What would the very best me do?